My husband can do tricks! Sometimes they are astonishing, such as building me shelves from nothing or cooking me the most amazing french toast ever. Some of his tricks are just a hot mess.
His new favorite trick has to do with his phone. He is a glazier, and spends a lot of time out on construction sites and crawling around on a roof here and there. Thus, his phone takes a ton of abuse. It is a basic model, no crazy data packages or anything… just a plain phone. He goes through them too quickly to get him the latest, greatest, fanciest ones. The speaker is kinda blown, the phone itself works pretty good, when it wants to… always sounds like he’s in a wind tunnel. So we don’t really do a lot of talking on the phone. Or.. we didn’t. Then one of the d-bag friends, who’s probably the least d-baggy of the bunch, gave my sweet sweet man a blue tooth, hands free ear piece thingamajig. And boy if he just isn’t Mr. Big Stuff now! The sound is really good. I can hear him, he can hear me. He can work and still talk… hands-free!!! So he can call me up and just talk and talk and talk and talk… omg.. what the hell has happened here????? He is the one who HATES to talk on the phone. I remember all the years of us being friends and/or dating and a phone call from him lasted ALL OF 37 seconds. No more. Seriously, no more! More and he would start getting all edgy and antsy or just plain non-communicative. It’s as if the blue tooth has reached into his brain and found his phone section and set up camp there!
Long gone are the 37 second days. Now I get 37 minutes of just whatever happens to pop out of his mouth! It’s better when he isn’t driving… he has a bit of a road rage issue. Nothing major, just a lot of yelling and swearing, followed by waved arms and/or fingers. Just enough to raise my blood pressure if I am in the passenger seat, and just enough to reverberate through my ear canals and rattle my brain around real good if we’re on the phone. (He also forgets that he can’t take the phone away from his ear when he yells anymore.) The best new trick with his phone/blue tooth combo is his uncanny knack to call as soon as I have either walked into the other end of the house or bathroom without mine. It’s as if he can see me and is all like HEH! Funky phone tricks… only my husband…
And now I’m off to bake a cake. For my husband, whom I love. Who loves cake. Some days, I really love my life!
*I started to title this “Stupid Husband Tricks”… but the more I looked at stupid in those big bold title letters, I had to change it. My husband is far from stupid. I think most of them are pretty darn intelligent… but yet… they are big old goofballs!! My husband can do the absolute craziest stuff and be all “What?” about it. *